I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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