i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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