Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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