I want to have your abortion
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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