I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize