My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
