i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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