last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
