I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize