morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize