Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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