I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
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