dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
