We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
