whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
