Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
