You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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