WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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