I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
