Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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