Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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