I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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