Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
someone owes me an orgasm
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
