I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
