Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
