No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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