I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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