you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
