Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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