so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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