I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
