My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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