I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
