I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
