North Korea, Best Korea!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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