happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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