We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
