You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
