and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
