I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
