Kareoke will never be a sober sport
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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