i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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