She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
