Where is the hickey?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
