that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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