she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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