it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
