I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
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