Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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