Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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