YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize