Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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