my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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