it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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