Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
