We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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