im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
