doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
