At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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