she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
