They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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