is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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