WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A+ Viking dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
