Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
