I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
