mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
