Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
