Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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