I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
