i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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