Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
