Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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