DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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